Thoughts on finality.

It’s true: when you’re young everything feels like the end of the world. Nothing rings truer than on vacation. This year’s trip to Cape May may be the first vacation I’ve ever taken where I don’t feel sad upon leaving. I know this isn’t the final say in all future vacations, and I know this won’t be the last time I go to the beach, so I can honestly say I don’t feel upset leaving.

I had a blast, but I think everything has more of a feeling of finality when you have less experience to back it up. Finishing high school, each individual year of college, and even the first few semesters of graduate school (at my school, there were graduates every semester, including the summer) were very sentimental for me. Finishing graduate school and the first year in my big girl SLP shoes? Not as much.

I did feel a pang of completion, but it wasn’t such like in years past. I guess it’s kind of like this:

1995, when you finish kindergarten, you have no idea.

2004, when you finish eighth grade, you still are just nervous to be the bottom of the totem pole next year, and don’t truly realize you’re over halfway there.

2008, when you get that high school diploma, life is starting for you. For about 10% of those people walking across that stage, this will be the last time you see them. You’ll hear their names again when their untimely deaths are announced.

2012, when you graduate college, you’ll only know about 10% of the names called. It won’t be as tearful as the high school graduation, because you’ll assume you’ll see your close friends again. Also, you’re going to graduate school in another three months, so you’re not even finished.

2013 (December), you finish graduate school. You’re done with the comps. You passed. You busted your tailbone day and night, barely slept, and lived off of espresso. You don’t even attend your graduation. You only want to get the eff out.

2014, you have completed 4 months of your Clinical Fellowship year. The past year, you’ve finished your last graduate school class, completed your crazy on-campus practicums while working a full-time 40 hour Graduate Assistantship, completed externships while working two jobs/studying for your comprehensive exam/applying for every job imaginable/prepping to move cross-country, and then got a job and moved cross-country and were officially a temporarily licensed SLP.

 

I used to get postpartum-vacation-depression, but after all that 2014 has already brought, I needed a getaway. But “parting is such sweet sorrow”? Not quite. I am ready to get back to the busy life. Hashtag can’t stop won’t stop. 😉

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